Scarlet Mill

12012010 - Happy Birthday To Us :D

(I've had) The Time of My Life

Boy: Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you

Girl: 'Cause I've had the time of my life
and I owe it all to you

Boy: I've been waiting for so long
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me

Girl: We saw the writing on the wall
As we felt this magical fantasy

Both: Now with passion in our eyes
There's no way we could disguise it secretly
So we take each other's hand
'Cause we seem to understand the urgency

Boy: just remember

Girl: You're the one thing

Boy: I can't get enough of

Girl: So I'll tell you something

Both:This could be love because

(CHORUS)
Both: I've had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
And I've searched through every open door
'Til I found the truth
And I owe it all to you

Girl: With my body and soul
I want you more than you'll ever know

Boy: So we'll just let it go
Don't be afraid to lose control

Girl: Yes I know whats on your mind
When you say:
"Stay with me tonight."

Boy: Just remember
You're the one thing

Girl: I can't get enough of

Boy: So I'll tell you something

Both: This could be love because

(CHORUS)
Both: 'Cause I had the time of my life
No I've never felt this way before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
And I've searched through every open door
Till I found the truth
and I owe it all to you

*Instrumental*

Boy: Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before

(Girl: Never Felt this way)

Boy: Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you

Both: 'Cause I had the time of my life
And I've searched through every open door
Till I've found the truth
and I owe it all to you

Both: "cause I've had the time of my life
No I've never felt this way before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you

Stop Looking

I am your existential meaning.

:> :> :>

You're lucky to have her

You're lucky to have your bestfriend :)
She cares for you a lot..as evidenced by what she tried to tell me.

Cute.

Wala lang, just sharing.

And I thought It'd be fine

One line that struck me when I watched the film "Babe, I love you" was when the female lead said to the man he loved who after learning her deepest secrets turned so mad and felt so betrayed: "MAHALAGA PA BA YUN?" (Does it matter?)

What will you do if you learned something so controversial about the one you care about?
Will it still matter at the end?

If you learned it from other people just like what happened in the movie, will you be able to confront that very important person in your life and ask if the rumors are true?

Will it still matter even if what happened, happened in the past? Will it still hold water that you are the present to each other and maybe even the future.

It was Halloween last night but the revelation (or rumor) was spookier than the actual horror of a supernatural encounter. I guess even the question "Is it true" or the statement "I forgive you" which may or may not come after need not hold water especially if no fault was committed against anyone, just a mere secret of the past.. No more, no less.

Just a secret that was revealed in one way or the other.
No fault especially not against my person.
A thing of the past that wasn't shared. Or wasn't shared or talked about enough.

"I know it's crazy but its keeping me sane" (SCVP, 2010)

I'm paranoid and an overthinker.
But as the female lead asked in the movie, does it still matter?
If it was a big part of the past that the other tries to bury (it just so happens that somebody innocently digs it out), will you judge him or her.

I honestly thought I was open to these kinds of things. But not in my mind did I imagine that it will happen to me, whether or not the rumor is true.

Is it a curse that I am so open-minded? and as my friends would claim, I am *the* magnet. If so, what's happening here? Why is it happening now and I don't seem to be ready at all? Not healthy. Not at all.

I am ready to be honest and grow and be nurtured.
And I think what I need now is honesty. Bluntness.
I know it will hurt.. but,

Let's talk about it.

If I can be a significant other, I can be the best friend.




Trust me.

A Conversation about Love with my Kuya

Jessan
hahah
sympre.. kay we love each other
hahah

11:15pm
Me
haha
toinks
i'll pray for you.
'cause you're too in love.
i know that it is not a bad thing
but it shouldn't be the only thing

11:17pm
Jessan
and because we trust each other
respect each other

11:17pm
Me
yeah i understand that
and there's really no problem
it's just that the "high" feeling won't always stay.
Love will always be a constant decision
an everyday moment of saying yes to commitment
you grow old or fat or oily or foolish, one will stay because he/she made that daily commitment
that constant yes

11:20pm
Jessan
heheheh.. wow.. naadvice akon manghod..
anu ito ito? based on experience?
eheheh

11:20pm
Me
i just don't want that you exhaust everything
kay you have to spread it evenly
hit iyo entire relationship
diri la pwede nga "Up there" feeling every time
baga
step back

11:21pm
Jessan
balet, dont worry, im fully aware of that..

11:21pm
Me
relax, and ground yourselves
every day

11:21pm
Jessan
ok ok.. cge..

11:22pm
Me
>:D<

11:22pm
Jessan
thanks sa advice..

11:22pm
Me
i love you Kuya

11:22pm
Jessan
yeah, ilove me too..
bwahahah!|
>:D<
balet, iloveu too!!

--

Yes

I went to Mass yesterday at 7PM at Our Lady of Pentecost. The place never ceases to amuse me. But what was even better was the homily.

The gospel was composed of three parables of losing and finding.

The Parable of the Lost Sheep

The Parable of the Lost Coin

The Parable of the Lost Son (Prodigal Son)

Fr. Bong mentioned that hope is very important in the process of forgiveness. And that even a single lost sheep will always be worth finding and in the event of its emergence, celebration is even more worth it.

I am cold and I feel alone.

I never thought that I will feel it this early: I AM TIRED.

Burnout.

Ang aga pa, pero andito na.

Nalulungkot ako.

Napapagod na ako.

---

In the randomness of the night, the tears of weariness are falling.

The tears of my own-made helplessness are here.

Falling because of gravity. Falling because tear ducts are weak. Falling because I am around.

My breath turns heavy.

My eyelids are shutting down.

Despite exact number hours of sleep.

---

I am so tired physically. mentally. emotionally.

I am growing weak.

I hope it doesn't end in this defeated battle.

Stand up for LOVE.

Despite its being anti-political.

---

Where is the depth of thought.

How trivial are we?

and how superficial?

so superficial, I'm growing weary.

Even without the words

I've never said it.

But soon enough, perhaps I will be compelled to do so.

Some people put words into my mouth and claim that I've said those things before even if I haven't.

and now, I wonder how or when or why will I even say it.

Because maybe, just maybe -- you already know it even without the words.

I want to be creative.

But at the same time, I am stunned.

I am silenced.

I am shot.

I am stumbling.

--

But at the end of the day, that'll still be #5.

In His time, YES.

Not in ours.

WE deserve it.

Take it Easy, No Pressure, Remember to Breathe

The revelation of the night didn't come from you directly. But it was still shocking in itself. There might be few misquotations and what not, but even the most generic sentence or phrase that you can get from that conversation was scary. Well at least for my part. :>

Be careful. I'm serious.

Your friend told me to be careful and to anticipate even more things to come.

Well I tell you, take it easy, no pressure and remember to breathe.

I think I can say that we have all the time in the world. I think we can make it. But let's take things easy so that we can enjoy even the trivial stuff.

Remember that there is no pressure. And I know that you'll understand. This is important, but so as our other priorities.

You make me realize a lot of things about myself, about my life and about the things that we can do, and that these things we can do even in a slow-paced manner.

Relax. Chill.

Everything has its own time.

WE have ours.

Let us let it slip away with a memory for every second.

:)

Resonance of what used to be

I will blog today because I feel like what I want to say is worth blogging.

If I'm not mistaken, my first (or perhaps, second) entry in this blog was about the limitations and wariness I have to espouse given my title and position.

And what I naively thought as grave limitations to my liberty (e.g. manner of dressing, the way I speak and act, etc.), are so minor compared to what I have to somehow give-up in order to survive this presidency.

I was not forced by myself to give in, but it's what the situation calls for it.

I am professional but it can only go as far as I perceive it to be.


Diri ako pwede maghinaut na mayda kinabubuwasan ini kay yana pala, diri na dayon pwede. Bangin ha masunod nga mga bulan, pwede pa. Yana, trabaho la it dapat mauna ngan diri kun anuman it mga pinapan-abat. Malain ha dughan nga waray ako choice kay tuyo la na ginpili ko man ini nga mga higayon. Makuri kay mayda ada... It kaso, aada hiya ht lidung nga guinlilibutan ko (pero trabaho nga lidung)

Law of Proportionalism

The greater good.

The lesser evil.

Or am I simply justifying
that this one's something good for a change.

Quite different from what I expected and indeed, this is something new.

One Big Event

after everything has been said and done,

after all the sleepless nights...
and all tear-jerking moments.


It's done.

But everything has just begun.


50 DAYS.
but this seems forever.
seems the like we're about to end what we have started

50 days ago.

Sober

I want to fall in love with you when I'm sober.

I want to fall in love again.

and see how I will love you...

without the spike.

without the kick.

without the tipsiness.

I want to fall in love with you when I'm sober.

Yes, you.

I'm genuinely hurt because i have hurt you.

But I got hurt too, you know.

You shouldn't bring this one up

Hit a nerve

And shrug it all too easily.

I know I'm no good at times

and

I maybe no lady of confrontation

But I'd gladly accept.

Here's to you

Because I care a lot.

Please understand that I try to understand.

Really.

---

I opened my media player and it's on loop...

and the phrase that ticked you off was in that first song.

WHAT are the odds?

After 7 Freakin' Years

After seven years, I guess it's safest to claim that you were my first love.

and in that brief moment after seven long years, we were able to talk.

You've entered priesthood.

But you're still the same caring person.

---

Mika, I miss you.

well, i surely missed you too

When's our next date? :))

i don't know

OK. Church perhaps?

that would be great.

During my ordination.

---

You were the first love of my heart.

and I hope you're happy with your response to that call to religious life.

Until we meet again.

Until that time when you will celebrate the ceremonies of my life, Fr. Gerard.

Kung di mo maunawaan ang katahimikang ito, paano pa kaya ang salimuot na unti-unting bumabalot sa atin?

---

Paano pa kaya

kung naroon na?

Ang aking damdamin pinaglalaruan ng BALIW at ng ULAN

Isang kawalan na hindi pinagsisisihan.

Isang pagkadaupang-palad na marahil walang katulad.

Isang pagbuhos na sana'y hindi matapos.

Isang sayaw.

Ikaw at Ako.

---

Ang aking damdamin, pinaglalaruan ng baliw at ng ulan.

12 Marso 2010

Siyang tunay.

This feels extremely weird

It's you when it should be me?

When is it YOU and when is it me?

How Real Can this Get?

Your voice [will be] the soundtrack of my summer.

(Thunder, BLG)

Sinong di mapapasayaw sa ULAN?

Kung sukat kayanin nitong yaring mga luha ang pagdilig sa nanunuyot na ikaw, ay dagliang ginampanan at nasimulan noon pa.

Huwag papadaig.

Ako'y didilig.

Subalit ang walang kasiguraduhan, ay isang yakap at yapak na kumakaya sa ating dalawa.

You chose this didn't you?

flash that smile right there baby when your cabinet mirror appears.

flash it right there and don't bother the pangs of bitterness and pain.

You chose this didn't you?

So why bother the pain?

Flash it right there.

Flash that smile.

Be okay.

Or at least show them that you are.

Remove that disappointed look on your face.

Replace the grim with glee

and put a little cute wrinkle at each side of the eyes.

Smile.

1, 2, 3.

You chose this didn't you?

Along with this choice is the non-negotiable smile that

you have to show them... NOW.

Because we all are

suffering.

---

so we all have to

take one for the team.

Catch me I'm falling :O

Saluhan lang.

Complementarity, Chemistry and Compatibility

What is then the purpose of these 3Cs when you're dealing with the greatest, most impossible challenge?

It's as if both of you are

..a compatible modem and computer

..or a complementing appetizer and main dish

..or simply a mixture of molecules that combine.

---

You can't play on broken strings

You can't feel anything.

Because my roommate just broke up with her boyfriend

And she's playing this song i love for the nth time.

Because despite complementing each other,

or being compatible with each other

or having that chemistry..

If both of you are simply not meant to be.

therefore

that's just

too bad.

OR maybe, Dr. Wilson of House M.D. is right after all.

---

too big a chance, eh?

Kiss me in the Morning

Slits of lights enter through the blinds.

it's 6am.

the smell of dew and fresh grass fill the air.

it's cold and you could have used some more snoozing and curlin' up.

we all are but strangers in the night.

and mere lost souls in the morning.

when will that moment show itself once more?

'cause you are my forever and a day. Always.

*Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide. In a Champagne Supernova in the sky*

On Disappointments

i am like so dead.

i'm sorry. :(

TB 3: Now i remember why my blog is entitled this way

Save the sanity for me.

Almost a year ago, i remember that i created this blogspot because i felt once more that my sanity was hanging by a thread for the nth time. this happens every so often and voila, here it is again.

i guess i'm just tired, inspired and exhausted all at the same time.

this is that time of one's life when you feel like you can't seem to put your feet on the ground. you cannot breathe and something holds you tight by the neck.

JUST like the Dashboard, an important part of blogger.com, i will put into heart what the Dashboard Confessionals said: Remember to Breathe. Maybe i am just forgetting it again.

--

Breathe. Inhale. Exhale.

i want to pull off whatever's left on my head

i can't shrug this bad feeling.

i want to scream at the top of my lungs and get punched like there's no tomorrow.

i wish i could jump up and down and send emails anonymously.
i just want to be a little less upsetting.

when the time comes that if i decide to get married and settle down, those who need to interview couples can count on me and my spouse.

life can suck at 19.

---

i want to pull my hair and leave nothing.
even the 14th of November dictated that stubble be left.

022410

I want to break rules

shattered glasses before dawn breaks.

but now that its 12noon, pick them up one by one.
don't mind the splinters.
even the blisters.

YOU HAVE NO CHOICE...

but to bleed.

The Greatest Dilemma of 022110

I love buying toothbrushes

and that's a fact.

and this afternoon at the grocery, i cannot choose between the Green and Purple toothbrush.

Never had i experienced such a dilemma in my entire toothbrush-lover life.

I chose to compromise

so I chose both.

However, it is not always that you can choose both when you are in such a situation.

Indecisiveness is not always healthy.

So is compromise.

I can see that I see you everywhere

I see you in the falling leaves.

I see you in strawberries.

I see you in chocolates and popsicles.

I hear you in song

but i see you more--

in the lyrics and in the musicality.

I smell your scent

and take it all in

and then I see you in it.

I see you in my drink

and I see you in my faith.

I see you in everything.

I see everything in you.

I see everything but you.

TB Entry 2: On Openness and Friends and Gender

For this tiny blog entry, I wanted to talk about how sometimes people of opposite genders vary significantly. This fact is very apparent in terms of physical and emotional capabilities of men and women.

My closest friends in college are guys and i really understood that as our friendship ages, i learned more and more that they are different in terms of personality and character (Read: How they get attracted or how they talk about the people they like). Boys seem to be physical and i now agree that girls are emotional.

While boys value physicality, girls on the other hand cherish moments of togetherness more than what meets the eye. But I don't claim that this is bad or that boys are better or girls for that matter. Simply, BOYS are different from GIRLS. no fuss whatsoever. they are just plain different.

I had my share of moments when my guy friends and I go out (this is a 5 vs. 1 scenario usually), discussions and topics about people we like usually (although there are exceptions to this) uhm, turns too physical. I am thankful for the few times when i get disturbed or awkward, one of these five friends blurts and says: Babae kase siya (She's a girl). Then they start to comprehend that i am not as sexual or physical as they are. :| Thus, i feel weird when they talk about porn sites or sex :(

But i still believe that in order to survive in this world a girl should:

Look like a girl
Act like a girl
Think like a man.

I got this from a text message. Although i don't want to think sexually the way my guy friends does (HAHAHA!!), i think that there are drawbacks to being emotional (Read: females).

Last Wednesday during a very important event in school, a close friend who hosted the thing mispronounced my name. I got so upset that he had apologize after and i just can't shake it off. But when he said "Let it go," ...voila! the Mantra Think like a man hit me.

What is it with us girls that we usually cling onto these things? It's so hard to get over trivial stuff like this and oftentimes, i just blame it on my hypothalamus. Gah. Ugh.

Poor hypothalamus. :(
I'm sorry. I'll try my best.

So petty.

And to myself: Let it go.

Tiny Blog Entry 1

So this will be the first entry of the series of blogs that i'll be making for the next few days or weeks.

why tiny blogs?

well, my last blog entry was so last year. HAHA. literally. a lot has transpired from that day and i guess, due to the rollercoaster ride that was 2009 and the preoccupation that accompanied it, i wasn't able to actually blog about many, many things.

Yesterday, Manuel L. Quezon III was the speaker of the Council of Organizations of the Ateneo's "Why not Blog?" talk.

We asked how one keeps blogging in the absence of the Muse and where does the sustenance of that burning blogging passion come from or at least where can one find it?

He said that sometimes you do have to push yourself in order to write. However, he also believes that there are so many things in this planet that one can write about. Different interests, different fields, different issues. Although if one feels that everything starts caving in, he or she should step back and pull away. Maybe breathe.

Some food for thought though.

teehee.