I'd like to think that no one really is a fan of deaths, of course for those who practice altruistic suicide or religious suicides, I can never know for sure. But anyway, a death of a family member or a friend or an acquaintance will always cause, more often than not, feelings of shock and sadness. Depression and anger. Or a feeling that seems to drill a big hollow space in one's heart. A hollow space where someone used to be in it, and then suddenly, no longer there.
I am and will never be a fan. Of course I can never predict my own death or a friend's or a family member's. I am not psychic and neither am I a health practitioner. In this uncertainty of the thief's arrival (whether at night or in broad daylight), I am at least sure of one thing--death affects and scars me in ways I myself cannot fully comprehend. Be it a death of a loved one or friend, and more confusingly if a death of someone I barely know or do not know at all. News such as those, once they enter my ears in the form of sound waves, linger as if a grey cloud on top of my head and following me whenever, waiting to downpour.
I always say, "deaths of people I don't even know affects me a lot, what more deaths of people I know?" I tend to float and my brain seems to be malfunctioning every time I hear stories of people who died or just died. This happened very recently and I have been haunted by the sadness for the last week.
He was 20, and died of an acute version of Leukemia. He survived the cancer a couple of years back, and suddenly his illness was back and took away his life in just two weeks. We weren't that close but we had a lot of common friends, and his brother was my batch mate in high school. In 2009, I had my hair shaved for a program for kids with cancer and it was called I AM HOPE. The head-shaving activity was entitled "Be Brave, Get Shaved." It was an act of solidarity for kids with cancer, particularly for the kids of Ateneo Kythe, the organization that spearheaded the activity. But of course, I offered it to him, my friend who had cancer. Luckily his cancer was on an early stage. I told him that he is one of the reasons why I had my head shaved and that he should get well ASAP. He and all the other individuals fighting cancer are the brave ones who fight and inspire us. At least all at stake was my hair, and the possible embarrassment or queries one ordinary girl with shaved head can get.
Fast forward three years after, July 2012, I heard there was a relapse and his illness was back. And it was acute this time. He was told that he had to undergo chemotherapy for six months for maintenance. We were all taken aback and I know that I'll never understand the fear and pain his family, girlfriend, and closest friends felt. He had to stay at the ICU and he was sedated during the first week or so after his return to the hospital. We learned that he underwent kidney dialysis and had a minor surgery and he needed three O+ blood donors every day. We blasted through our networks to search for possible blood donors for screening--tweeting, posting on facebook, texting people, etc. He was very important to a lot of people and it was very evident during the news of the relapse, and even until now.
I am not entirely sure of the coincidence but I had a flight to Cebu during the week he was hospitalized there. I was prepared to donate blood since I have done it before twice. I dropped caffeine, increased water intake, took vitamins, and a whole lot more. What I wasn't prepared for was hours before my flight, we was pronounced dead. And it created a hollow space in my heart, and in the hearts of so many other people who he was a part of. I thought I was to go to the hospital, but instead I went to the memorial chapel. Despite the feelings of loss that was in the atmosphere, there was hope and I really felt it during the first night of his funeral service. His parents were thankful, and very positive. His dad personally wanted to create a database of possible blood donors that will help all other kids with cancer. I genuinely felt that his death was his redemption from all the pains and that he left to be in a place with God with peace and genuine happiness.
Kristian Roy, your family and friends believe that you did put up a good fight. And thank you for touching so many lives in your own makulit way here on earth even during just twenty tender years.
Rest in peace. Have a happy, crazy, peaceful rest with the Almighty. We are praying for you.
