nobody says my name the way he does and it hurts because right now, everything's crumbling down. at least for my part.
well, as my bestfriend and confidant would say to me, from this point onwards, i have no stake anymore. i already lost him and if i speak of my feelings, at least i know that it's still a no-win situation.
or perhaps speaking about it will liberate all this crashing even for a very, very small, almost negligible percentage. maybe, acknowledging the fact that i love him will help me move on a bit.
never have i expected that moving on was even part of the picture. but well, it sucks to be me. he did it. hurrah! *insert sarcasm here* well, kidding aside, i may be sad because he moved on without letting me do it ahead but nevertheless, i am not bitter whatsover because i know that i am not there right now to take care of him and i believe that hurting is part of the game. also, i think that with her in his new life, he has someone to take care of him -- something i cannot do right now.
had he just hanged on, the same way I did, perhaps there had been greater chances. but i guess, all those memories were just mistakes of the past. or if they were right, maybe they were right then.
all those memories became make-believes because we ended up just like this.
i have been in love with the same man, for the longest time up to the very point of futility. i cannot do otherwise but accept. life doesn't end here... although i try and speak it for myself and nudge me a bit towards feeling better, i still hang on this piece of thread, which makes it too difficult to endure.
i love him and soon enough, i would be able to say: i have loved him.
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